Things are getting better?

Things are getting better. Day by day. Now that my kids classes are kind of becoming more routine, I find myself getting more and more comfortable with the classes and also less stressed like I was before. Though, one thing that is for sure is that I DO have nightmare classes and those are being dealt with or will be dealt with these coming weeks.
I get quite frustrated by some of the mothers here. I have a class of 7 rambunctious boys and one of their mothers complained I was too strict. The thing is, if I wasn't, these kids would go ape shit and basically I'm up shit creek for the rest of the year. It's also odd to her to have a female teacher for 7 boys and she's worried I'll teach them "Female English" and make them speak like a girl. The lady is a ridiculous cunt.

On the better side of things, I bought an oven. It's small, bakes enough for at least two people but it's so fantastic to have. I've now made crumble, a failed cobbler,  and mushroom chicken. I'm so excited to be able to BAKE!

I also am almost one year here in this country. It's had MAJOR ups and MAJOR downs, but I'm kinda finally getting into the swing of things a bit. It took a year, but I think I've become more domesticated and having my own apartment and deciding what to spend money on and basically finally becoming a financially independent adult has made me feel good. I like looking around my apartment and knowing that all this is mine. It makes me feel good.

I'm really looking forward to August when Les and I go travel Taiwan. We'll be only staying in the Northern and Central parts of Taiwan, but that's due to time and also we want to have a relaxing vacation. We don't want to feel rushed. Since I've decided to stay because quite a few things happened to influence me to stay, I plan to see as many countries as I can fit in. Between August and December, I am going to take some days off and go to Korea. Then in the winter vacation, I might go to Vietnam and Cambodia. I'm not sure yet, but I know I will be traveling to the SE Asian area. We'll see. It's very far off and I should focus on Taiwan first.

I don't want to jinx anything, but I'm feeling much better and much more lighthearted than before. It's a good feeling. I hope it continues this way or hopefully gets even better. I still have my moments. I had some terrible dreams last night about my ex and kinda woke up feeling empty and emotional. I actually started crying, but Les just grabbed me in his arms and held me tight and told me to let it out. He's so wonderful in that way. He doesn't judge me for still being upset with things. He's helping me mend and also being such a help in so many regards.

About 2 weeks ago, he said I love you. To me it was quite a shock because he was very open about it taking him a lot of time to fall in love. To love someone,  it takes trust and so many other things that had been missing for so long in my life. I think I realized I loved him a few weeks before him when one day I was just looking at him while he was talking to me and it just kinda kicked me in the ass. I was staring at him and an overwhelming feeling of warmth and just wanted to hug him made me realize I think I was falling in love. It's been over 10 years since that happened. This time, untainted.
He does things that are goofy and he's always trying to make me laugh no matter how I feel. He's a positive being. He's always looking for things to do for me, no matter how big or small, just to brighten my day.
So, it's this strange feeling now. It's been so long since I felt so overcome with a surge of emotion that doesn't ebb, but stays there. When I see him, my heart lifts.
Some people would tell me that I got into this too early. They may be right in ways, but the emotions that have developed would say otherwise. Who knew? I still thinks it's funny to sit and think about how he was in my training group. After training, we never really saw each other. It was random times here and there, but never regular.
I never saw myself finding a relationship here.
Life really throws the crazy balls sometimes.

If I only knew French

I'm in love. Have been for quite some time with Julien Dore.
Meh, it's just a language barrier. Body language works just as well...
Here's a playlist for his most recent album. Personally, Kiss me Forever is my favorite. Le'te Summer is following close behind, but I've yet to listen to the entire album yet.

Reboot

So, my last post was dark and dreary.
I've realized now most of my posts of late have been nothing but dark and dreary. Well, I've decided to do my best and reboot myself and my outlook on the coming months.
I came to Japan with one thing in mind. To enjoy staying in Japan and also use the opportunity to travel to other countries close by. Now that I am starting to slowly drag myself out of the hole I was in, I came to realize that home is not the answer to anything I've got going on here. Sure, Japan does magnify some issues, but in general, I've been just a gloomy idiot.
So, for at least the next 11 months, I plan to work my retarded schedule and just suck it up and when it comes to holidays, use them to travel to other countries while I'm here and able.
August is my first big holiday for 2 weeks and I plan on going to Taiwan. It's not China, but it's history is pretty colorful and it's close. It'll be a good start to planning for more excursions outside of Japan. After August, sometime between September and November, I plan to take an extended weekend and go to Korea. I want to spend a few days in Seoul and just get a general feel. It may not be long, but it's one country I know I must visit before I leave.
Then during the holidays, I plan to head over to Thailand. I would like to see Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, etc... Whatever trips I may fit into the amount of time given to us.

Yep. It looks like I will be doing my best to reboot my attitude and do the things I set out to do before coming here and getting sidetracked with dealing with a very substantial bump in the road.
If I find myself feeling down and lonely, family is a phone call away. But, I am ready to stop feeling bad for myself and stop being such a debbie downer.
It's time to explore the world as much as possible while I am young(ish) and able to at this time in my life. I have no kids, no husband, nothing keeping me grounded in one place. I need to take advantage of that.

I am going to vow to myself that from now on posts on my blog will be of positive things. Things that make no sense but only to me, fun things, and adventures in and around Japan and Osaka. Time to reboot my attitude and stop brooding and being dreary over something that is gone and will never return.
Yeah, I miss my family and my pup. But, I have to put to rest my wanderlust or I'll never feel fulfilled or feel like I've missed out on completing goals I've set for myself. Les said it best recently. "You can't enjoy today if you keep thinking about tomorrow." Good words to go by. I've just got to retrain my thoughts and focus on the good things here and the good things in life. I've dwelt too much on the negative and the past and it's hindered and hindering my future. Time to let go. Time to experience good things again.