I feel like I should be just laughing. But the thing is, I am.
I needed to come home for my health. Particularly my mental and physical health. So far, it's been a exponentially good experience but also a huge wake up call.
My battle with depression is no secret. My battle to fight it is. I'm now seeing a therapist regularly and also taking an antidepressant. I'm feeling better than I have in months. I think the catalyst for me after reading a few professional books (Learned Optimism-strongly suggest for those like me) for recognition and skills to stop the pessimistic view of everything and try to turn that around, was just the move to Japan last year. It was a huge step. A huge change. On top of that, a new job, a new country and customs, and then a new fresh break up. It was all so damaging to my psyche. Even though one in particular was just down right negative, major life changes all can do such terrible damage if you are a person who has a tendency for negative thought. Um, yeah, that's me.
So, now I'm doing my best to get my mind healthy and back on track. Not only does pessimism affect your day to day life, it affects your immune system. I got sick in Japan. Often. As my depression made me deteriorate more and more each day, my health got worse. Seeing a correlation between the two is obvious. But, backed up by scientific study as well. Coming home for this amount of time has been a good thing because I needed help. Badly.
Which brings me to the fun part. I'm going back to Japan at the end of March. I will begin fresh with a known expectations of Japan, a place I'm familiar going back to, and back into the arms of someone I love dearly. It will not be all roses and sunshine, but I know I'm going back with a fresh head on my shoulders. A different outlook. I feel better and I want my time in Japan to be something I don't look back on in distaste. It's funny how I keep returning to Japan. It's like we have a love affair that is a hate/love relationship. My goal is to keep this as a love relationship and not take it for granted again.
So, wow. Yeah. Back to Japan! I plan on possibly doing new 365 project. Only this one is not of myself for the whole year. This will be of life interests. Even the simplest of interests. If I decide to take a photo of the high school baseball team across the way from my apartment, I'll do it. Of course the goal is to use the camera and become extremely familiar with it. April 1st will begin my 365. They'll probably be a lot of odd shots. Some from a phone, some from a point and shoot, most from my DSLR. I'm excited. I almost want to begin it now. If anything, I might actually do it. Instead, I'll start it on the 1st of March? Let's see what happens. :)
Here is a photo of my most recent finished piece of art:
It's the first completed piece I've done in quite some time. I'm currently working on a portrait for my grandfather's friends. I should be drawing right now actually, but I'm so very tired. My sleep is been so crazy. I don't have any sort of schedule at all. I do know that I'm up until ungodly hours of the night.
Ha.
But, hey. The main thing here in my life at this moment is the fact that for the 4th time in my life, I'm going over to Japan to live yet again. I take that back, 3rd time to live, 4th time to be in the country. I just can't quit you Japan. What kind of romance did I get involved with!
I know that there is a Canadian there though that I am excited to see. Life sure does go through loops and twists and turns you never expect. I NEVER thought I'd enter Japan again. But, now I'm going back to live there for at least another year. I'm just, well, amazed. But, I should never assume anything is for sure anymore. I could end up leaving in the winter due to some outside event. The fact still remains though and that is my intentions.
I'm excited. It's like a new chapter. Time to close this one. Time to reset. Unwind. Mentally prepare and be of good spirits...to stay that way.
Just wow. Life is extremely strange. Not just sometimes, but all the time. Where will I be this time next year? I knew this time last year I was convinced I was going home at the end of March. I had just started seeing Les. Britta and Sciby were accessible friends. I was happy for a bit.
Time to make that happiness stay.
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