Hopefully third time's a charm

I'm once again on my way back to Japan with a starting date of February 2010 and onwards. I'm more hoping that placement doesn't come to me until March. I need that time to save some money, especially after I buy a plane ticket. I'm going with a company that has a good reputation by word of mouth and from just general googling, hasn't had any really big major red flags.

I've been promised a Kinki region placement which is even better. That is the area I wanted to go and honestly, if I hadn't found a company that would put me in that exact location, then I was going to just let the Japan thing die. If I hadn't gotten the job, I was going to let it go. It was this is it or this is when I say I'm done. It took me a year to get out of that slump that JET put me in. It was extremely difficult and the effect of failure or the general feeling of failing even though it wasn't your failure, but rather the company's, it still hurt.

So, I let the Japan thing go for a good year. But, it always stayed there at the back of my mind. Once again, after interviewing in San Francisco, I got the job. I was half expecting not to make the cut since I am "a bit reserved." Once I'm with a group of students though, I feel I can be lively. I hope so anyways. I'm not in the game completely yet though. I have to make it through training before I get the full go ahead.

I just hope I can forge some friendships at training that will help me through the year. I want to be able to have friends and people to talk to.

It's a broken record, but leaving behind my talented and lovely boyfriend and my baby dog is going to be extremely difficult. But, in a way, it's like asking Stephen not to make films. I have to do this. I have to try it out for at least the year that will be my contract. Then if the year is up and I can't stand it, I will come home feeling at least I did it. I did what I planned to do for so long. I'm getting much older and 30 is approaching much more quickly than I anticipated. It's kinda scary to think about it.
I'm 26, yet I feel like I have so much to learn. I have so much to do and take care of in my life.

My best friend Brandy wants a family and is already talking of kids. My friends from high school and childhood friends of mine are having children. I feel like "Should I be there too?" Is that where i'm supposed to be in my life? Am I or should I be focusing on a family right now? The answer for me is no. I don't have a job that would support me or a child. At this point, I'm too selfish to be responsible for another life right now. I still have dreams that have yet to be fulfilled for myself. I want to keep traveling. I want to see the world. If that's what the teaching route will give me, then so be it.

I want a job I love. I love Vulcan Video. It's like a family to me at that store. There are things about it that get frustrating, but it falls by the wayside because the job itself is so easy and the people I've met and the things I've experienced with Vulcan have been amazing. They are all good people at that store. I hope to be a vulcanite for life.

Leaving Vulcan too will be difficult. I left the store once for japan and when that didn't work out, they kindly let me back into the fold. I love them for it.

But, really. This is something I need to do and I'm excited and scared all over again. My reservations for what to expect are very low. I think I held JET to a high standard and that's where I went wrong.

So, I'm hoping this third time is the charm. Please God, let it be the time.