6 months in

I've been in Japan six months now. I have to say it has been the most trying six months of my entire life. It all started off badly and kinda set the tone for the months to come when my car was stolen literally the day before I left.
Now it has claimed my long term relationship. It's over and there's no cosmic superglue that would put this back together. If I could start over or if I could go to the origin of when things started going sour, I would and change it. But, since time doesn't move backwards and never will, I have to be pushed forward. I'm in a grieving state. I feel like I've lost a leg or that my great grandpa has died all over again. I feel helpless. Sadness is the only feeling that seems to overwhelm me and I can't see through to the other side of the haze. I have everyone telling me "Things will get better" and "Hang in there." When people say that to me, I just want to yell "I'M NOT OK!!!!"

I know they have good intentions. I know they are trying some way to comfort me, but I feel so broken. I can look back on this relationship and see exactly where things should have changed or the reasons why it didn't work out. You don't spend a decade with a person and have it end easily. He's so tangled in the web of my life that Austin is going to be a mine field of memories waiting to slap me in the face. And god, when I see him or run into him, I can already feel my stomach dropping to the floor. I'm in extreme nauseous pain. I start bursting into tears randomly. All my interests have left me. I don't even care about watching movies much right now... and that's something I do regularly.

I need to start finding ways to keep myself busy, but with what? I am going to pick up my portraiture again, but even that is hard to start up again. All I want to do right now is go home, curl into a tight ball with my pup, and not leave the room until enough time has passed that I can get up and move on. I could start exercising again, but memberships to fitness clubs here are so expensive. It's become too cold to run outside here. I do my crunch exercises, but it''s pointless to do an exercise that only focuses on one part of the body. But, I still keep doing them.
It's only been 2 weeks now since we broke up and I am losing weight because of the anxiety and lack of appetite I have because of this. It's unhealthy the way my mind and my body are fighting because your heart is in so much pain.

I know whatever happens is for the best. It's the moment I see him with another girl that it will be a soccer punch to my gut.
I just need to get through two more weeeks and then I can be on a flight home to be with my family. I absolutely need it and then I will return here for just 3 more months and I can return back to Austin. I miss my home. I miss it so incredibly much.