It hurt, but I needed to hear it

So, I had a last phone conversation (at least for quite some time) with my ex the night before last. I approached it calmly and he did as well because I think we are probably just exhausted from the whole thing. It seemed like the most honest conversation we've ever had and as much as I hated to hear everything he had to say, I needed to hear it. For some reason, I was grasping on to this hope that when all was done and through with me being overseas, that a reconciliation could happen. He was very clear this wasn't going to happen and it was very clear that in the future if/when he marries, I won't be that person. It sounds harsh, but it wasn't said in a way that was intended to hurt. It hurts just because of what it is.
A lot of what was said hurt because of just what it is. Brutal honesty. I think it hit me deep and in a way kinda took away the cloud really making me feel like we could have a future someday. I do think we can have a future someday, but as friends. I dunno how long it would take to reach that point, but I know it won't be for some time. Even though he will be gone from my life now, he still will always be my best friend.
I hate how your heart and your head fight. I was thinking about it earlier and after the conversation and me basically just breaking completely apart during it, I understand now that we were an unhealthy couple. We were driving each other crazy. Of course the good times were good, but there were issues that simply can't be fixed with time. An essential part to a relationship is trust. If it's broken, it's so hard to fix it. I've been carrying with me the mistrust that was created in our relationship from 7 years ago. But, we both mutually agreed we both did our part in breaking each other's trust in one way or another.
As much as I know now that this is for the better, I still know myself. I'm going to have really bad days where I'll just want him to be there. I know that when I hear about his new girlfriend, it's going to be very dark days. I know that I'm gonna yearn for him to come to see a dog we both raised. It's going to be fucking hard. But, he's right. We aren't healthy for each other.
Time is said to heal wounds and I do believe that. But, I think this wound might take longer than most. I'm expecting my rollercoaster of emotions and I know it's going to be hard. But, fuck. If I can live through the times of my father and also live through going alone to live in a foreign country and have everything turn to shit while I'm here, I might as well battle this one out too.
When those extremely trying times come that are about him, I need to come back and read this entry.
I need to remember that we weren't healthy and it's been an unhealthy relationship for some time now.
I've got to remember that.
Brutal honesty is what I got and though it was one of the most painful nights of my life, it cleared my head a bit and put things into a much needed perspective.