Gotta keep this on repeat in my mind. I just have to. I'm holding on to too much still. STILL.
I feel like this is never-ending.
It's been 2 months now. C'mon. How long does it have to take?
I have to keep his voice saying "I'm not in love with you anymore" on repeat in my mind anytime I think of him. He got back onto facebook again and he said that he erased and blocked me.
Repeat it. Let it soak in. I need to let those feelings of rejection, betrayal, and destruction soak in so I can move on.
I wish I could feel about him the way I do about Ben. I could even go hang out with Ben anytime and know things would just be cool between us. It has been for years. I want to get to that point, but I wish I could get to that point now. Ben is still my friend and I respect him as an artist and a person, but feel no feelings for him. I want that now for Stephen.
"I'm not in love with you anymore."
Soak it in.
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I was married to another man, whom I did/do love for years, before I stopped loving the ex that broke my heart after ten years together. It just takes time. Give it time.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Yeah, this has also been a 10 year relationship and I fear the time it will take to heal. But, there's nothing I can do about that.
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